"I'm tired"

I wish someone understood what I mean when I say "I'm tired". "I'm tired" means I want to give up, and the only way one can do that is by dieing. "I'm tired" means I cannot and do not want to keep on living this life. "I'm tired" means I'm thinking of suicide again. "I'm tired" means I can't carry on and I feel like this is where I am just meant to stop. "I'm tired " means I can't stand gravity pulling me down anymore. When I say "I'm tired" I am really just informing you I'm wishing I could just stop existing again. But of course how can you say these words out loud? So I just hide them behind an "I'm tired" and I hope someone understands. No one ever does, but of course how could anyone do?
All of this is pathetic. No one must know.

Comments

  1. Anonymous20/8/23 04:51

    I've been there. When you're so burnt out and depressed that all you wish for is respite, but you can't see any way that will be possible to have without dying. It's an unfortunately common experience

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

On "family"

Image
Ever been surrounded by people that should love you, but you suddenly realise they don't? How painful it is to see people you loved and thought they loved you too, be completely indifferent to your feelings.
Read more

Sleep

Image
  Life feels like an uncomfortable necessity before sleep. Sleep, on the other hand... feels like an escape. Nothing better that taking a nap and not having to do, think or worry about anything. Like a perfect excuse from living. Oh how I loved it when before surgery they put me on anesthetics. I really fear I could become addicted to them if I had free access. How wonderful to not even feel the time pass.
Read more

Cowardice

Image
  My life is passing by and I'm stuck in all this mess. I'll never be 17 again, or 18 or 20. Haven't I wasted enough time? I have to make a decision already. Is any of my efforts to get better having any results or should I do everyone a favor and end this torture once and for all? It won't be that bad for my family as the time passes... I often think of a boy who I heard commited suicide around the time I was at my worst three years ago. Of course, me being a coward and stupid, I didn't even have a plan to start with on how to do such a thing. Isn't that boy at peace now? Isn't he doing so much better? What could he possibly be missing out on that would have been worth existing still?
Read more